Sunday, April 15, 2007

Floating Down the River

Last week, while sitting in church, one of the speakers told how her family had challenged one another to run a Half Marathon. They trained enthusastically, held to their training schedule and completed the race, feeling a great sense of accomplishment. She found another Half to run and only one sibling would join her. This time, everything seemed to conspire against her and while she ran and completed the race, it was without the same sense of accomplishment she had felt previously. In looking at everything, she saw where she had been committed to the first race and had never really committed to the second one.

I have been floating down the Nile river since mid February. I have made some of my runs but like the woman above, everything seemed to throw itself down to block me from completing them. Moving, sick kids, sick me, foul weather.... I thought I was committed to my upcoming race, I wanted to be. I entered the race, I have hotel and plane reservations. It wasn't until I was sitting in that pew that I faced the fact that truly, despite what I thought, I was not committed to my race the way I need to be.

I docked the boat I was floating on and made the decision to switch from running the full marathon to running the half. The only thing I am in disappointed in is myself for not being honest with myself right off. I should have switched as soon as I saw what was going on but I wanted to prove I could still do it.

Another major contributing force to my loss of motivation is my loss of support. By that, I don't mean my family but I am a runner who needs to have buddies to run with. So far, I have not found that here but I also admit, I have been heartsick and not really looked. I just don't feel like I have clicked with the new running club but it is a two way street, I need to make an effort before I can write it off.

After I made the decision to switch, I joined a Women's Training Program...for a 5K. But Denise, you can run a 5K! You have run a Half for crying out loud. True but I am not doing the program for the training so much as I am doing to forge new bonds and find new running buddies. I want to recapture the joy in running that I had in Clarksville and that I lost some when we moved here.

So, for all that I have been running some, it was not what was needed to truly prepare for a full marathon. I knew it as soon as I saw it happening but I let myself believe I could overcome it.

Now, I am feeling a lot less pressure, I am looking forward to running the Flying Pig Half Marathon and I am excited to find some new running buddies. I *will* find people to run with. Heck, I know of at least one woman at church who runs, don't I?