Monday, June 30, 2008

How Ironic

You know the song I am talking about...Isn't Ironic? Well, I so had that happen to me.

As I mentioned way back in May, I joined the Women's Training Program again in a (vain) attempt to kick start me into activity. Yeah, I did my runs, yeah, I showed up but I just felt my motivation was about -5.

On race day, my 5 yr old who wanted to run, decided that it was too darn hot and humid (and it was) to run so I walked the 5K with her. We did have little spurts of running. She was my pace setter so we ran when the mood would strike her and walk when it did not. I clocked in my slowest 5K ever ;) but since I turned off the Garmin, I have no clue. I know we were right about the 1 hour mark.

So it was ironic and bittersweet that Ann, the program director, got up and started talking about the most inspirational runner in the program and then called ME up there! Despite fervent pleas, the ground did not open up and swallow me. I had to go up in front of 500 people and be held up as an inspiration.

Wow, that is something to live up to and even more so when *I* know that my inspiration abilities are so sadly lacking.

So, what to do about it? I am at the point I swore I would never get to. My time has been shot to hell, all my conditioning is nearly gone and while I have been out, I am run/walking and doubt I could make it 3 miles right now if I didn't walk.

My plan of often, run more. It is simple yet such a hard thing to start all over again. We won't even discuss my weight.

:::sigh::: I am so disgusted with myself and truly, the only one I can point a finger at is myself.