With Great Apprehension and Trepidation

One year ago, I was feeling the above and much more as I made my way, in the early morning, down to the fairgrounds to meet with my Couch to 5K group. It was our first meeting and I was convinced that I was going to be the slowest, oldest and most out of shape potential runner there.

I can look back now and laugh about it but at the time, it was quite an intimidating thing and I almost went back home several times.

It was a large group, over 30 people and most of them worked together in an office. I felt out of place since I didn't know anyone. It was 32F, with snow and a cold wind coming off the river.

Grant and Michelle outlined the schedule for us and with little fanfare, we began the process to transform from couch potatoes to 5K runners.

It was cold, it was blowing snow and we huffed and puffed our way through those first 60 seconds of running. 60 seconds? Was that it? It certainly felt like it was a lot longer than 60 seconds. The 75 seconds of walking went by much quicker. We did this for 20 minutes our first time out. I was whipped but elated. I wasn't the oldest! I wasn't the slowest! I wasn't the most out of shape!

Now, today, I find myself in almost a similar situation. I am trying to make my way into a new running club, to find my place among them. Even though I have several races under my belt, including a Half marathon, I still feel very apprehensive in approaching the group. My inner loser raises her snide little head and makes me question things.

What if I am too slow? What if I am not serious enough? What if....what if...what if? What if I never came out? Well, that one is easy...I would probably end up slowly drifting away from running.

I beat that loser down, suck it up and meet with the group. I smile at the friendly faces, nod to ones that I recognize from the week before and make my way to the back of the pack. Sure, I am slow and will be one of the last runners in but so what? I am out there, I am running and I like it.

The feeling towards running and my view of it, a year after starting, is very different. A year ago, I had no intention of ever running longer than a 5K race and even then, it would be maybe a yearly event. I certainly had no intention of running a 10K, a Half Marathon, a Marathon or even more insane...a Marathon and a Half!! Yet...here I am.

It has been a great year. Without the help of the Clarksville Running Club and R3 along with the support from Michelle, Meredith, Grant, Chuck, Candi, Samantha, Jim, Brittany, Lucas and the Runner's World Beginner's Forum, who knows if I would have stuck with it. Of course, some of my biggest fans and the ones who provides more support than you can believe are my wonderful husband and children.

In the past 365 days I have:

» ran six 5K races with a PR of 32:06
» ran an 8K race
» ran two 10K with a PR of 1:07:01
» ran a Half Marathon in 2:33:04
» logged over 619 miles total (since April 20)
» am currently training for the Flying Pig Marathon
» am resgistered for the 2008 Goofy's Race and a Half

Here is to many more years of looking back on running and reflecting on how far I have come in that year.